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    歡迎來到善朝教育官方網站!

    善朝教育--中高考勵志演講領航者
    十三年打磨,只為呈現最好效果

    二維碼
    在線客服

    廢掉一個孩子的方法,就是為他選擇人生!

    發布時間:2019-06-27丨發布者: 丨 閱讀次數:192

    6月6日,離高考僅有21個小時,一個高考考生小王,卻找不到身份證了。


    原來是母親把小王的身份證藏了起來,急得小王只能找警察幫忙。警察問這位母親原因,竟是舍不得孩子離家讀書。

    微信圖片_20190627181502.jpg

    這位母親為了自己下半生的安穩,差點毀了孩子的前程。


    然而,這并不是特例。


    前年有一位母親過于關心女兒,就親自給女兒填報高考志愿,卻填錯了,導致女兒錯失了讀好大學的機會。


    媽媽一時內疚,竟跳江自殺了。

    微信圖片_20190627181525.jpg

    還有一位母親,為了不讓女兒在外地找工作,竟然把大學畢業證藏了起來。


    而且這個福建泉州女孩辛迪加讀的還是一所211高校——中南財經政法大學。

    微信圖片_20190627181545.jpg

    去年,已經30歲的辛迪加又再次參加高考,因為她想要考上外交專業,以后成為出色的外交官。

    5d1497728cdc9.jpg

    可是過去9年她本來就有機會追逐夢想的,卻因為沒有畢業證書,只能在老家找工作。


    哲學家馬丁·布伯說過:


    一旦你將對方視為實現你目標的對象和工具,那么,不管你的目標看似多么偉大,你都對那個人造成了傷害。


    父母不肯讓孩子選擇人生,表面上是為了孩子好,其背后是把孩子當做“傀儡”。


    這種傷害輕則毀了親子關系,重則可能是毀了孩子的判斷能力,孩子的夢想和生活幸福感。

    沒有選擇權的孩子
    長大后毫無主見


    前幾天表妹深夜向我吐槽,說被她媽媽罵哭了。


    原因是她媽媽在微信上給她發了幾句靈魂般的叩問:


    你畢業3年了,你存款沒有,男朋友也沒有,工作不知道換了多少份了,你到底是在干什么?到底想干什么?


    于是我問她:“那你喜歡干什么?”


    “不知道”


    “你大學學的什么專業?”


    “英語。”


    “那你為什么不找相關的工作呢?”


    “我不喜歡英語,是我媽讓我學的。”


    “你以前不是當過老師嗎?這個工作對女孩來說很適合。”


    “我不喜歡當老師,我媽讓我當的。”


    5d1497958d00e.jpg

    這對話我不知如何進行下去。


    其實身邊這樣的人太多了,沒有主見,害怕選擇,一邊吐槽父母干預自己的生活,一邊又不知道生活目標在哪里。


    一位心理學家去一所中學就中學生的自主性進行調查。


    被調查的有150名學生,心理學家問他們:“生活和學習上遇到了難題,一時又解決不了,你該怎么辦?”


    令心理學家沒有想到的是,這150名學生異口同聲回答:“有困難當然是找父母解決了。”


    當心理學家問他們將來有什么理想或打算從事什么職業時,有大約70%的學生回答:“要回家問了父母才能知道。”


    為什么孩子們這么沒有主見?就是因為他們從小失去了選擇權。


    不僅在學習方面沒有自主選擇,甚至在穿什么衣服、吃什么菜、喝什么飲料上都失去了選擇。

    最近熱播的電視劇《少年派》里,母親王勝男就什么事都要替孩子選擇,完全控制孩子:


    洗手要按她的步驟來,打肥皂兩次,搓手一分鐘,洗手一分鐘;


    頭發不能留劉海,要把腦門兒露出來;


    高中住校時,要求女兒每天打電話匯報;


    文理科分班時,女兒喜歡文科,她卻以理科比文科就業,強硬要求女兒讀理科。

    教育學者尹建莉老師在《最美的教育最簡單》里曾說:“許多家長,可以為孩子付出生命,卻不肯在孩子面前放下自己的想法。”


    殊不知,你的每一次控制欲的施展,都是孩子選擇判斷機會的失去。


    就像電影《傀儡人生》里所說:“我們剝奪了孩子建立自我能效的機會,而自我能效是人類心智的重要準則。”


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